If everything happens for a reason....

I do believe that everything happnens for a reason but I am not sure what the reason is for me to have anxiety. I have asked God this so many times. God, why did you allow anxiety to be a part of my life? Why do I have anxiety? Now, before I go any further I want to make clear that I hate having anxiety! It is not always easy to deal with and I wish it were something that I didn't have to deal with. And that not everyone who has to deal with this is going to agree with what I believe to be true for me.

With that said anxiety has brought a lot of good into my life. I have had anxiety since I was about twenty and have never been on any medication. I have learned to be able to deal with the feelings that come (lightheadedness, dizziness, being really hot) and to reason through them until they pass. This is A LOT easier said than done. When you actually feel like your going to pass out its not easy to say "its just a feeling...it will pass" and believe it because you feel like at any moment you are going to fall over.

Anxiety has showed me how strong I can be, brought me closer to God, and has given me compassion for people who are going through similar situations. It has given me the ability to talk to people who are nervous and know exactly how they are feeling. It has allowed people to open up to me about the feelings that have felt but didnt say anything for the fear of being thought of as crazy.

It has shown me that God is really the one whose in control even when my body and thoughts say otherwise. My faith is not always as strong as it should be but in my anxiety I know that he is there.

I remember one day when I was driving and I felt so lightheaded. My heart was racing, my breathing was rapid, and I felt so hot and like I was going to black out. It was one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me. I pulled into the parking lot I was by and had to sit until the feeling passed.

I hate having anxiety but as long as I know that I will be able to deal with it I am okay with having it. Sometimes it will be worse than others but thats okay because it will just make me a stronger person. I don't feel anxious as often as I did before I had my son but about once a month or two it will roar its ugly little head.

If by having this I can help other people then so be it. If I have to have it then I want to help others who also deal with it. Especially the people who are just starting to have it and may not even realize what it is. Once you know what it is...then you can start fighting back.