April 24 2008

Even though I have believed in God since the third grade, my faith has been something that I often questioned. I don't question that there is a God. I question if I will ever feel confident in my salvation. I question if my faith will ever be strong enough. I also wonder what true faith even is. I often question if my belief in God will be enough to get me into heaven. Its hard to have faith in something you can not see. But when I think about it I don't see how else the world and humans could have been created if there was no God. I question if he really hears my prayers or knows my name. I am one person in a world of billions.....why would he notice me? Why should he take the time to care and love me when I have so many questions. Shouldnt I just believe? How can I question a God that has already done so much for me?

I deal with anxiety as well and worry about everything. I know that a big part of that is because my faith is so weak. But I don't know how to make it stronger. I want to have faith to stand before Goliath and be confident that I can take him down. I often see my anxiety as the Goliath in my life. I do feel closest to God when I am anxious though. I just picture him either sitting by me or walking by me and pray or talk to him. When I do this I seem to be more at peace.

I hope that I can find the faith that I believe my God deserves. I want him to look at me and be proud that my belief in him is so strong and unwavering. I am not sure how to get to that point so I guess I will just take it a couple little steps at a time.